Heaven is a Ship Full of Squishy Asian Babies in Yogurt Cups Part 2

Okay, ill try to post more often now that ive gotten a major obstacle out of the way.
Here, happy helpings of heart-warming squishy rice dumplings!


I want to do this to my Happy Asian Child. WAAAAAY.. I LOVE SA3ABEEL!!!


OH my sweet canary child!!!


Hahahah. This is totally funny!! Watch the whole thing.

#7: Emo Artsy Cutiyas

Okay, double post time, and it was about time someone said something about this. And you know me, no bad intentions, just good old-fashioned poking fun! Click click. Sooo.. i am SURE ina you have at least one friend who is like this because this is a trend that, over the past 4 months has taken K-town by one giant emo STORM!

So it all started out with the Jason Mraz/Cory Kennedy lovers cause they were "different" and "edgy". I like JM but you know what i mean, that whole look-im-artsy-cause-im-young-and-i-dont-care-and-i-am-skinny-and-wear-bright-colors-and-listen-to-underground-bands-and take-pics-and-post-them-on-face-LA-rock-on thing. You know, like this:

anyways.. so then these "free-floating" Kippes (Kuwaiti very-in-quotation-marks-"Hippies") who "dont care" but cannot live without a manicure and hair-straightener kil youm il9ib7 started wearing the hippie on-the-forehead-head band. Like so:

Later on, they considered theselves "artistic". So all of them went and bought these enourmous professional cameras

and started the most emo assault online that Kuwait has ever seen. They started taking pictures of random things such as.. lamps for example. Then they would post it on Facebook after photoshopping in some shadows and caption it: "life, energy, i need you." or a sofa with a sock on it: "memories of a time forgotten" or someone's skinny arm on a rumpled sheet "lines of life that teach me heaven. i miss you baby." or a picture of a street sign that says "yarmouk": "attention.. my calling" or half their face wearing red lipstick: "who knows what i'll be when darkness comes.." oooo Im having way too much fun with this!! STOP ME!! Hahahah. :D Ya3ni stuff that are so not deep and dont make sense and the comments would be like "OMG, i just cried" or "Baby, you are amazing" or "Wow.. i dont know what to say" Ummm... im SURE you dont know what to say honeybunch, there's not much you can say about someone's FOOT! Haaahahah.

Future Promises...

And the most hilarious thing is (not in a mean way).. that these people are under the delusion that they are artistic. SURE. OKAY! Ya3ni when people think a bunch of VERY BADLY DRAWN scribbles on a piece of paper and something that my 4-year-old cousin's kid could do in his sleep ya3ni shay bala ma3na is "Art" with a capital "A" and deserves an exhibition, i think people need a wake-up call! An artist is not someone you can be by buying a giant Nikon or raiding Dasman for art supplies!

BUUUURN! Bes later.. i want to laugh some more now

Hello Windostan!

Hey Happy Readers. My apologies for this extremely late post, it was hectic. Well, i arrived in Paris a few days ago and sat unpacked and studied. And went to Monoprix for some apples, Ariel and sliced mangoes. Soo.. let me inform you of the ma8lab ili 9ar feeny ilyoum w'ana raj3a min il jam3a.

It was E.X.T.R.E.M.E.L.Y windy. Il9ib7 was raining lightly, afternoon was sunny, 3 o clock was a windstorm. Schizo Paris weather, ti3awadna. Anyhoo, so i bought some food from Il Giramondo to eat at home and was carrying the plastic containers of veggies in their paper bag. Suddenly the wind flips my umbrella. Mashy. By the fifth time i was kind of completely soaked. So i get to the crossing of the street and this CRAZY gust of wind pushes me forward SO HARD that im half-sliding, half-running up the crossing!! Lemma o9al il ri9eef, the paper bag splits open and my plastic containers of food shoot across the pavement. As if that wasnt bad enough, the wind starts pushing the containers all over the pavement and i have to RUN after them! Im like: WHAT?? OH AHHH MY FOOD, NO!!! (awal shay ma istaw3abt ina it was my food cause my arms were frozen and i couldnt feel the bag splitting open) and so run after them and pick them up. It was SO FLIPPING FUNNY! o aham shay i was the only one laughing.

Oh, and sayara kanat bitdish feeny ilyoum! It was maybe 3 centimeters min ryooli, o WANAIT. In Paris. Where the hell did a WANAIT in Paris come from? Ana i attract this kind of weird stuff. 9adgooni, its like im a Karmic Stupid Situation Magnet. Like, The Official One, for the universe! Good times. And as my cousin J would say: "I live a hard life".

Thanks Chika! Your Fault! :D

Okay, so remember Chika's post about Syrian lingerie in all its glory and ridiculousness? Well, i questioned for some time where those hideous/mind-blowingly-funny get-ups we see in stores like Taher in Souk Sharq come from. There was my answer. I sent the BBC link to all my friends. It was waay too funny! Then, like anything else, i went on Amazon and bought the book. Just arrived a couple days ago. It is a fascinating look into a world of crazy Syrian undergarments and their makers. It tells you all about the photographer who shoots the Eastern European "models" against farm backdrops while his mitnaqba wife serves tea. And the makers and how they reconcile making crazy lingerie with their conservative lives. Oh, and apparently, one of those companies called Chantel says that its biggest export to Saudi and Kuwait is heart-shaped chocolates which conceal black g-strings! Dod-gy!! (they have it in teabags too) Tikhayilaw law taboon itsawoon dagga ib wa7da tawha walda or something, take a whole bunch of those Chantel "special" chocolates and replace the normal ones lemma the grannies come to visit!! Sit and Watch. Hahahahah. That would be BEYOND! Allaaaah, Tweety nylon red undes with FEATHERS! And i dont get how you fasten the other one on.. Im not sure i want to. "Ba7ibak ya ghali" 3ala set bo 600 fils! Hahahahaha. honestly... Oh horror. Oh horror. This was the LEAST disturbing of all the images. I cannot display the others for fear of exposing you to unnatural amounts of tumbling, chalk-white, Eastern-European flesh bursting out of... oh heavens i cant continue! Bleugh! Hahahaha!Now thats Imagination!

Mobilat model 2000 on maribou and strings! You can wear this too!! In the book, there is so much more about fruit roll-up lingerie, lingerie with flowers, the diff between the "high quality" and "low quality". Ily taboona!

buy the book The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie on Amazon.com

Something to Cheer You Up

Since we are finally doing something il7amdillah, i would like to post some of my favorite things to bring peace to your hearts: ASIAN BABIES!!! WOOOOOT.
these are my faves on Youtube, most are old but i love them!!


FLATFACE MY LOVE!! YABEELA 3ATH!!


FAT HAPPY LUCAS WORKING OUT


SOULFUL SINGER BREAKING THE PIANO


THE CLASSIC

I am only seventeen years old

please kuwait, keep sitting on your fat asses and watch dumb Turkish soaps. Let the people die right next door. you are weak. you are cowards. you are imbeciles. you dont care. you cant care. you are fat. you are ugly. you are too lazy to tell your government what it needs to do. you are only good at watching TV and tsk tsk. "hal israeliyeen... Allah ya5ithhom inshallah" whaen i say fucking DO something: "7abeebti i7na ma nigdar insawy shay, intay shayfa 7okoomatna? i7na shnigdar insawy?" Then you turn on the TV. And watch MBC four. And i hate you all. But i am one of you. Whats that supposed to mean? I want to do do do. I have an agenda. Im just a stupid teenage dreamer. I have a plan i want to get it done. I have a campaign and i want to get it done. I look left and right but NO ONE wants to help. And if i did it i would end up in jail. "public nuisance". Keep going to Sliders and Burger Hub and Prime and Toast and Avenues and Marina Waves and parties and parties and parties. Keep on. i hope you all go to hell. Do i need to tell you that i cant sleep? that i feel suffocated all the time? that i hate my friends? that i hate my cousins? but who cares about me. i dont even care. its just a bit annoying when i wake up after 14 hours feeling that ive just come out of a fight. I cannot stand anyone who doesnt care.

i am SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD and i have NO faith in humanity.

#6: THE GREAT OMAR HANTASH!!!

So apparently this kid called Omar Hantash from ASK is all super-famous and EVERYONE is watching him now cause his videos are MASSIVELY entertaining on account of his massively entertaining voice if you get my drift! He made me laugh so hard i didnt know what i was doing with my life!! Last i checked, a story about him had 96 Diggs on Digg and he was even on Hollywood Grind!!! Holy Flip man! There is even one fan who made a tribute video to him on Youtube and reviewers from the US! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. In almost all his videos he has this microphone/screen thing in front of him to make the whole thing look slick. Just watch. I love this guy!

This is the first OmTash video you need to watch to be introduced to his gloriously fluctuous tonalities! :DD Will make your day!

Now here you have his kind of freaky but soulful rendition of Trailer-trash hero Perez Hilton's "clap" whatever that is. Or maybe he made it up! Listen to the lyrics. I was disturbed.

The Grand Finale!! Santa Baby... with a fake paper-roll chimney and a Santa Lollipop to really give you a Very Happy Christmas!!

Dont BURN. Just Subscribe. Cheers!

(and dont forget to read his own captions in his Jason Mraz video!)